Wife After Death

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Beloved Mark

 

On 11th February 2012, my beloved husband and soul mate Mark dropped dead, suddenly, aged 37.

Despite the fact that I have always written, I was unable to commit a single coherent line to paper in the year following His death. In April 2013, on the advice of a counsellor, I started writing a blog – Wife After Death – as a way of releasing some of the heartbreak, and in the hope that I might find kindred spirits out in the ether.

The blog went on to win a national award, as well as bringing a raft of inspiring and supportive individuals into my life, many of whom were going through the same shared hell of losing a spouse.

My memoir, Me After You, has developed from the blog and will be published in July this year.

You can read Wife After Death here.

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15 thoughts on “Wife After Death

  1. I am nearly finished your book Lucie. I have not lost a husband, but my daughter died aged 3 from leukaemia, after an agonising 18 months of treatment, a failed bone marrow transplant, and no real hope all along. This was in 1989. Brother was killed in 1986 in an accident and mum died in between them both. Like a bad movie script. My point is, I can relate to the raw and agonising grief you describe. I still struggle with it, still feel “different” from other people, while outwardly trying to live a normal life. Thank you for this book.

    • Hi Beth. Bad movie script indeed. Your story is shocking. Thank you for sharing it. I do understand what you mean by feeling ‘different’ to the rest of the world. Grief on this scale seems to have that effect doesn’t it? I’m so gratified that the book makes sense to you and I thank you also for taking the time to comment. Sending a hug to you. X

  2. Hello Lucie,

    I am half way through your book at the moment and the likeness to my situation is scary, I am a 30 year old widow, I lost my husband August 2015 also aged 37 after a 10 month battle with cancer (its still unknown of what type – we were just told it was rare and aggressive) everything you have written so far is scarily accurate to how i’ve been feeling from being scared of seeing the dead body of my soulmate the man i love more than life itself, the planning of a funeral etc to the beta blockers and the bottles of red wine to help sleep, thank you for writing this book and bringing a little comfort to me in such a horrendous time, its helpful to know that someone else has experienced the feelings I am going through and that I am not alone. I look forward to finishing the book. Thanks again!

    Kate

    • Hi Katie. Hmm, similarities indeed. So sorry for your loss, but really gratified that the book is helping somewhat – it helps me to know there are others out there doing the same things! Thanks so much for rreading and contacting. I wish you much love and strength for the future. Lucie x

  3. Hi Lucie

    6 years ago today I lost my fiance after being engaged just 2 weeks. We’d been together for 9 years. There were times through your book that I thought someone had stolen my thoughts. I related to so many things and remembered the feelings of absolute despair and the immense physical pain that grief gave me that no one really seemed to understand. An issue for me was who am I now as I didn’t class as being widowed as we never got the chance to marry and due to being young I found people dismissive of my grief and was made to feel I should just move on as I was still here with my whole life ahead of me.
    I know your book will help many people going through the same situation it is such an accurate, harsh insight into grief. 6 years on I feel I can talk openly about my experience and it was reassuring to know others have been there too and coped. Thank you.
    Sending you love,
    Danni

    • Hi there Danni – it is so great receiving emails like yours as it reassures me that I’m not some kind of deviant or oddball! I totally get the whole ‘oh you’re young, you’ll move on’ thing – if only people knew! It’s a whole future, denied. I hope you have found some kind of happy at 6 years on – I’m coming up for 4 years and I feel something like contentment in a life without him, though the void is always there. Wishing you a good Xmas and thanks for reading and reaching out. Lucie x

  4. Hi Lucie,

    I just wish I had found your book sooner. I’m also a relatively young, north-eastern widow – although not as young as you – and I experienced the same horror, depression and screaming disbelief when Chris died. Widowhood also left me with the strong sense of isolation from the rest of my peers who were incapable of understanding either my suffering or those occasional flashes of ghoulish humour and extreme irony that only the untimely-bereaved can know. I scoured the Internet for someone else in the ‘widdahud’ who understood. The closest I came – before I chanced across you – was a gently humorous American book called ‘The Mediocre Widow’, a term I feel I own.

    Now I have read ‘Life after You’, I feel a greater affinity – and some peace. The honesty, anger and humour with which you relate your experiences and portray our isolation, our bitterness and the uphill struggle to cope and survive after the death of our lovers and soulmates took my breath away.

    Your success with the book is well-deserved, Lucie, and, as a novelist myself, I would like to encourage you to carry on with your writing. I thoroughly enjoyed the power and strength of your language and imagery – even the bits that made for uncomfortable reading. You don’t waste a word and portray the full gamut of human emotion in a way I can only envy. I will leave you a review under my pseudonym on Amazon.

    Good-luck for the future

    Karen Charlton, author of ‘The Detective Lavender Mysteries.’ .

    • Hey there Karen,
      Lovely to hear from you and I thank you for your wonderful, supportive words. I’m so pleased you found solidarity in the book! It is so gratifying to receive feedback like this, especially from another writer. I shall seek out your books!
      With very best wishes and thanks again,
      Lucie x

  5. Hello Lucie, hope you’re doing well. I just finished reading your book and I know you’re going through/ have been through a lot but I just wanted to give you some advice. I don’t know if you’re still in the same place but try to think of the times you have spent with Mark and all the things you got to do together, instead of focusing on what you’ll never get to do and what he’s missing out on. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you feel better.

  6. Hi Lucie,

    I haven read your book yet but intend to do so. I have read a lot of your blog however. I lost my husband 4 months ago. He collapsed and died while playing sport. We have a toddler which I now have to raise alone. I’m so so tired of waking up each morning to the realisation that I’m alone and have to face this future. It’s such early days I realise there is much more to come and that is frightening. Thank you for documenting your experience. Xx

    • Hi Suzie, I am heartbroken to read your message and send you my sincere condolences…4 months is very early days – which I know doesn’t help – but if I can reassure you that things will get easier, over time. I understand totally the fear and the loneliness; I suppose at some point you learn to live with it, though in my own experience, I don’t think you ever truly accept. I hope the book helps in some small way, though I would perhaps hold off reading it for a while as it is written from the two year mark which is obviously a way off for you yet. Sending love and solidarity. Lucie x

    • Suzie, not sure if you’re even still checking in on this but I have only just seen your message – I’m so sorry! I hope you have survived the summer in one piece. In terms of books for the first year, I liked the CS Lewis one – I forget the name of it, but it made sense to me. I remember not being capable of concentrating for too long on anything, so I guess I read a lot of blogs – short sharp pieces which didn’t take too much effort. I sincerely hope you and your child are doing OK. Much love and apologies again for the lateness of this reply. Lucie x

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